August 23, 2004
Dear Diary,
Nothing overly eventful happened today except for we bought office hot chocolate!
That said, I needed something to give me a good laugh and this is it.
Jamie Farr Near Suicide Over Jamie Foxx Popularity
Jamie Farr, the has-been actor who portrayed the cross-dressing Corporal Klinger on the TV series "M*A*S*H*," is said to be suicidal and virtually inconsolable by the fact that "Collateral" star Jamie Foxx has eclipsed him and become the most famed actor with the first name Jamie and a last name that begins with an "F," followed by a vowel and a matching pair of consonants.
While the distinction may seem a little thing to many, Farr -- now 70 -- had long taken pride in the fact that he was the most famed performer in the world with the first name Jamie and a last name beginning with an "F" and the subsequent vowel and matching consonants. And his close friends and family insist that Farr presumed he'd die without any serious competition for this distinct title.
"But now here comes this Jamie Foxx guy out of nowhere," said a Farr family member who requested anonymity. "With his career long in the toilet, this was all that Jamie had left to cling to. And now that it's been snatched away, I'm not really sure that the man has anything to life for. This was his pride, his joy, his everything. Now, it's like he's been wiped from the map like a dead fly or something."
Reached late Saturday night at his home, where he has been in seclusion for the better part of the last month, Farr told Hollywood Pulse Editor May Mitchmond in an exclusive telephone interview, "It's like I'm now the poor man's Jamie F, followed by a vowel, followed by a matching pair of consonants. I used to be the only one. Now, I'm not even the most recognizable one.
"People will see me on the street now, they'll shake their head and say, 'There goes Jamie Farr. He's no longer the best Jamie F, followed by a vowel, followed by a matching pair of consonants. Now, he's just another schmuck.' This Jamie Foxx guy, what's he ever done? A couple of movies. Big deal. I'm Klinger, dammit! I did 'M*A*S*H.' I was somebody. I was the best damn Jamie F-vowel-matching consonants in the universe. Why, God? Why?"
With that, the line went dead and a loud blast was heard. But at press time, it was assumed that the noise came merely from a blank and not a bullet, since Farr was spotted on Sunday afternoon sitting in a late-model Hyundai outside of Foxx's house wearing mirrored shades and a deep frown.
Source: hollywoodpulse.com